On Wednesday I get a call from my lovely wife, Toni. She informs me that on this Saturday we are NOT going to work in the garden as we have done every weekend since Good Friday. With the demeanor of a small child giddy with delight in the gift she is about to give mom or dad, Toni informs me that my hope to see “Avengers” in the theater was about to become a reality. Yep, we were taking Saturday off to travel to Tupelo to see a movie, just the two of us.

Well needless to say, I was pretty excited. I mean, this movie has it all, laughs, excitement, explosions, fights, rockets, explosions, wit, a little love interest, and did I say explosions?   The only sentence that kept running through my mind was “Sweet!” (I realize that it is a short sentence, but I am a man of few words.)

Friday night we worked extra hard after work until dark to get ahead on the garden. Saturday morning we were both in so much pain that we began to reconsider the trip to Tupelo. “Let’s just play it by ear and see how we feel,” Toni offered. I agreed and we sat in the early morning sipping our coffee and considering how to get ourselves motivated. We decided on a walk around the lake.

As we walked, Toni says to me, “You know, I really wanted to do a “little” shopping in Tupelo. Maybe we can just drive over there and catch the movie if we feel like it but we can shop for a half hour or so.” Wanting to be a good husband and agreeable, I said “Sure, let’s just play it by ear.” So we walked back home, got our showers and a few hours later we were on our way. On the way out of our hometown, she says “I know you hate the bargain stores, but I heard that there is a great place over on the west side of Tupelo, maybe we can stop by there real quick.” Again, I said (reluctantly, with one eyebrow raised slightly) “sure, that sounds like a good idea.”

“Yeah,” she says. “ We can go grab a bite to eat afterwards and then catch the early movie. “Sure, “ I say, “sounds good to me.”

We arrived in Tupelo around 1:00 pm and were able to cover somewhere between six and eight stores before 4:00 pm. At the last store I let her out at the front door and said “Knock yourself out.” I sat in the parking lot listening to the news channel and rubbing my feet against the brake peddle trying to get some relief as I swallowed multiple motrin with my warm water. “How did I get myself into this? I don’t even feel like seeing a movie now and I am starving to death.“ I heard my little voice inside my head say. “Something seems to be rotten in Denmark,” and it ain’t just my aching feet.

Toni emerged from the final store to announce that “We can now go find something to eat.” I was relieved and excited to share my favorite sushi restaurant with her. With a quick flip to the “drive” gear, we were on our way to Shoguns. We got there at 4:30 (note the time difference from paragraph four above) and found that they weren’t open yet.   No problem, I thought. They open at five, and I will be eating my favorite dish by 5:20 or so. 5 pm came and went and guess what? They never opened. I thought my head was going to spin off my shoulders. I found out later that they were closed for good.

Want to know what my dear wife and lifelong soulmate thought was a good idea? More shopping! “Hey, there is a guy selling fruits and vegetables over on Jackson Street. Let’s check that out!” Seriously? “Okay,” I said with a forced smile and a few tremors in my knees. Wouldn’ t you know it, there was a line. Go figure.

We finally got to eat, not exactly what I had daydreamed about, but we ate nonetheless. Once we finished I thought I was on the home stretch, but OH NO! No way. She saw a Kroger! “Holy smokes just shoot me now!” I thought, almost aloud. “We will just run in for a few items, no big deal.” Oh yeah, like I am gonna buy that! Almost an hour later I was allowed to limp back to the truck and if that cart hadn’t had wheels on it I wouldn’t have made it. There were little old ladies snickering at me as they passed me in the parking lot and they had walkers!

On our way home, the Denmark thing kept popping into my mind. It was about twenty miles outside of Tupelo that it hit me. “Hey, I didn’t get to see the movie!” I was so exhausted and so hungry that all I wanted to think about was my recliner at home. Now before you ladies think I haven’t learned a thing over the past 22 years, let me ease your mind. Nope, I didn’t open my mouth. I know better. I just drove home, unloaded around 2000 pounds of “stuff” and went and sat in the corner like a good little boy.

The next day I got up the courage to bring the subject up, very carefully. “Hey!” I said, “Is “Let’s go see a movie” code for “I am gonna shop till you drop?”” knowing full well that she would never drop before I did. I got the meaning when her eye began to twitch and an evil grin came across her face. With that, I went and cleaned the bathroom and mowed the lawn.

I hate superhero’s anyway.   They make me feel inferior.

Ken Dulaney