On Wednesday, I got a call from my lovely wife, Toni. With the excitement of a child about to spill a big surprise, she announced, “This Saturday, we’re not working in the garden!” Since Good Friday, every weekend had been dedicated to digging, planting, and weeding, so this caught me off guard.

Then she delivered the real surprise: my wish to see The Avengers on the big screen was about to come true. Just the two of us, a day off from the garden, and a blockbuster movie.

Needless to say, I was thrilled. After all, this movie had it all — action, laughs, a little romance, and did I mention explosions? The only word that came to mind was: Sweet!

We worked extra hard Friday night in the garden so Saturday would be free. The next morning, we were sore and stiff, sipping coffee and debating whether we even felt like going. A short walk around the lake loosened us up, and Toni casually slipped in, “You know, maybe we could do just a little shopping in Tupelo before the movie.”

Now, when a husband hears the phrase “a little shopping”, he should know that he’s in for a full day. But I wanted to be agreeable, so off we went.

By 1:00 p.m. we were in Tupelo. By 4:00 p.m. we had covered somewhere between six and eight stores. I lost count. At one stop, I stayed in the truck, massaging my aching feet and muttering to myself, “Something seems rotten in Denmark — and it ain’t just my toes.”

Finally, Toni reappeared and declared it was time to eat. Relief swept over me. I drove straight to my favorite sushi place, only to find out they were closed. Forever. My hopes sank, but Toni had an idea. More shopping! (Because nothing cures hunger quite like a fruit stand on Jackson Street, apparently.)

Eventually, we did eat — not sushi, not what I’d been dreaming of, but food nonetheless. I thought we were finally headed home. Wrong again. Toni spotted a Kroger. “We just need a few things.” An hour later, I limped out pushing a cart that could have doubled as a moving van.

It wasn’t until we were halfway home that it hit me: I never saw the movie. Instead, I unloaded roughly two thousand pounds of “stuff” and collapsed in my chair.

The next day, I carefully asked, “Hey… is ‘let’s go see a movie’ code for ‘shop until you drop’?” Her eye twitched, she grinned, and I knew the truth. I went straight to mowing the yard and cleaning the bathroom, just to be safe.

Superheroes? I hate them anyway. They make me feel inferior.

—Ken Dulaney