Buying Bacon

A guy’s life isn’t really all that complicated usually.  We eat, we sleep, we work, we play.  buying-bacon-picWith a few exceptions, that is the case for most of us.  We really don’t need much more than that.  Kinda like cave men, we can be happy leading a relatively simple existence.

When things get complicated for us it is usually when we “add” things.  For instance, mowing the lawn is a simple, sometimes relaxing task.  But when we try to add mowing in a certain pattern or inserting posies or roses into the landscape or God forbid a bird feeder, that complicates things to the point of stress!  We like it simple on most days.  Bird feeders and posies do not translate into simple.

I have come to understand that when Ms. Toni has a task for me to complete, she has her own level of stresses that go along with any request.  She apparently spends much time in consideration of how I am about to goof something up.  That has led her to a point in her life where she feels the need to lead me around like a three year old.  If I have heard it once, I have heard it ten thousand times over the past few years “Now…Ken”.  Whenever I hear those two words “Now… Ken”, you can count on the fact that one of two things are happening.  One, she is correcting me and trying to keep me from speaking my mind to someone or something that has my blood pressure elevated, or two, she is about to give me very specific instructions on how she wants something simple done.  For example, “Now…Ken, I need you to take out the trash, BUT, don’t forget to put in another trash bag, clean out the can (In the back yard this time, not in the kitchen floor), tie up the bag, close the lid on the big can outside (remember the possums will get in it if you don’t), push the can back into its correct place and then come ask me if it is done correctly.”  GOOD GRIEF!  It is taking out the trash!  I can handle it!  Well, most days I can anyway.

A few days ago, Ms. Toni announced that she had to go to the local Piggly Wiggly grocer to pick up some items for the weekend.  I saw the opportunity to gain some easy brownie points and offered to go “help”, which means I get to push the cart and grab whatever I want off the shelves when she isn’t looking.  I always love the look in her eyes when we are checking out and she is charged for something she doesn’t remember picking up.  I just say, “Yeah honey, you picked that up in the first aisle.  Don’t you remember?  Bless your heart.”  It is great fun, and fairly simple.

We had done the shopping and were in the checkout line when she remembered that we needed bacon.  Now that is a word that gets the attention of almost every guy!   “BACON” I thought!  Yes, that one word is all I needed.  No explanation necessary.  “Bacon GOOD, Ken GET!” is what went through my mind.

I didn’t even give her time to get the “Now…Ken” out before I was bookin-it down the meat aisle looking for the thickest cut, biggest most industrial sized pack of bacon they had.  Thankfully I didn’t have to look long.  Like a bacon beacon of heavenly light, the pack seemed to call me, luring me closer and closer until the joy in my heart rose to the point that a single little tear formed in the corner of my eye.  It was the thickest cut bacon I had ever seen and it was all ready to go home with me.  It was beautiful!  So I grabbed three packs.

I arrived back at the checkout line quickly and proudly, my head held high as I boldly announced that I had found the best bacon ever and it was on sale for only $15.00 or so.  I did not mention that I had three packs as I assumed that the “shoe sale” rule was in play.  I had a comeback ready to go if Toni had questioned me.  It would have gone something like this, “Well, honey, I saved us eleven dollars off the regular price.  I just knew you would kill me if I didn’t save us all that money since I know how careful you are with the budget.”

When the package of bacon neared the scanner, my heart began to race a bit, partly because I love bacon, and partly because I was scared of Toni’s reaction when the price popped up for her and the young lady behind the counter to see.

“BEEP”, “BEEP”, “BEEP”, all three packages were now mine.  As I sighed in relief that the bacon was about to be bagged and all mine, I noticed a pause in the activity in our line.  It got quiet, oddly enough.  I glanced over at Ms. Toni who was staring at me as if she felt sorry for me a little, yet questioned what elementary school I attended as a child.  Interestingly enough, the girl checking us out had paused as well, looking at me with the same look Toni was giving me.  She stared for a second, then looked at Ms. Toni as if to ask if it was okay to continue scanning items.  Without saying a word, a nod was exchanged between the two and the beeping continued.

I offered carefully, “Well, there is one thing guys know and that is bacon!”  “I know good bacon.  Yessir I am a bacon fan and I can find good bacon in no time.  Yep, I am a good bacon shopper!”

The two ladies glanced at each other in what looked to me like a mocking fashion.  Toni said, “Ignore him, sometimes you have to let them think they can do something right to keep them motivated.”  The girl behind the counter said “I know.”

What the heck is that supposed to mean?  I thought I did good!

Have a wonderful fall season!


Ken Profile 6

When  we see something like bacon in our life and want it really badly, we tend to justify it before we consider what God wants for us.  He sends us little signals of warning, much like the look Ms. Toni gave me.  Those warnings are to prompt us to reconsider or at least take time to weigh the costs of a particular decision.  He will let us make the mistake if we persist and is just to allow us to receive the consequences of our decision, good or bad.   When we do something silly, He doesn’t just walk away from us, but loves us through it, even though he could have stopped us.   He knows we cannot learn without mistakes and pain in our lives but is always there for us when we feel pain or make a mistake.  Take some time to pause and listen when you make a decision.  Chances are that you will hear the beep beep beep of God’s voice alerting you to a possible different choice.  He may be trying to keep you from making an overindulgent choice that could get you into trouble, OR, He may be pointing you to an EVEN BETTER pack of bacon! 

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