Bengay Burns!

My honey-do list has gotten pretty long since summer time has arrived. Between the garden, the grass, and the critters, I have plenty to keep me busy just about every weekend.

A few weeks ago I finished the weekend very proud of myself. After having mowed and trimmed the entire lawn I had found some extra energy and decided to venture out into the edge of the woods to trim up some underbrush that had taken over that particular area. When I finished, I was covered from head to toe with “weed guts”, that the weed eater had scattered all over me, Braveheart picbut I was very proud of my accomplishment and it looked pretty good.

A few hours later I began to feel a burning sensation on my arms and on my neck but especially troublesome was the itch in the soft part of my underarm.   As the evening progressed, the itch got worse and I soon realized that I the “weed guts” that had been thrown onto me was actually a chemical weapon used by an aggressive attacker called poison ivy.

In my usual panicked and frustrated state I complained just before bedtime and as usual, Toni came to the rescue. “I have some ointment that might help,” she said. After a short time of shuffling medicines she emerged from the medicine cabinet with a tube of goo that was to help me get some relief. I applied it to the itchy areas and laid down for the night.

After Toni went to sleep the itch seemed to grow more intense as every moment passed. I lay in bed trying to be strong and a tough it out but the menace got the best of me so I decided, because I am so wise, to get up and put a double dose of that gooey stuff on my now spreading rash. It was particularly bad under my arms so that was the target for the moment.

I wandered into the bathroom afraid to turn on the light, because I didn’t want to wake Toni, and felt around for the ointment. The tube I found seemed a little different but I really didn’t pay attention.

That is… until the burning started.

By now, I am sure you know what happened. I had reached into the cabinet and pulled out the tube of Bengay instead of the soothing goo I had hoped for. I thought to myself in a split second “I don’t even use Bengay!” DANGIT! But it was too late. I frantically rubbed the area with a towel but I couldn’t get it to come off.

Complete panic set in as I felt the heat get progressively worse and worse. “What do I do?” I thought. “I know, I will put water on it!” Want to guess how that ended? Nope, didn’t work!   The heat continued to rise and so did my tone of voice. Finally Toni heard me scrambling around and woke up asking “Ken, WHAT are you doing now?!” I didn’t want to tell her. “Ummmm, nuthin..” I said sheepishly through my tears.

Suddenly the light came on. There she stood with that look on her face. You know the one right? The “kinda sorry for you, kinda think you’re a stupid idiot” look? By this time the pain and the heat had gotten so bad that I was beginning to wiggle around and dance a little jig of sorts standing right there in my underwear. “That’s what you get you bonehead!” she laughed. “If you would have told me, I could have stopped you!”

Here is how you stop the burn. You DON”T! I had to wait for it to either wear off or until my nerve endings were just too exhausted to feel anything. I think the latter was the case but it took way too long. The only good thing that came out of it was that at least Toni got another laugh at my expense. I tell you, I am not doing myself any favors in the area of “respect from my wife”.

Is that where I am in my life? Do I have to have her to guide my every move? I suppose it is the case to an extent. One thing is for sure. .. The label on the back of the Bengay tube is no joke. Take it from me. It burns really bad applied to the wrong area. I just hope I never need that Preparation H stuff.

Don’t get burned by your bad decisions because you walk in the dark.  Jesus Christ is the light, and He will forgive your every mistake so that burn never gets you.  He is God and He loves you.  That’s all there is to it.

Ken Dulaney

July, 2014

“Spend just 5 minutes in prayer for Israel and Christians being tormented in the Middle East.”

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